Something to make you smile

Here is an actual list of aircraft problems reported by pilots at the
end of the day for the mechanics to fix before takeoff the next day
followed by the notes the mechanics left for the pilots to read the next
morning.

 (P)=Problem (S)=Solution

 (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
 (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

 (P) Test flight OK, except auto land very rough,
 (S) Auto land not installed on this aircraft

 (P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid,
 (S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal
seepage

 (P) Something loose in cockpit
 (S) Something tightened in cockpit

 (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
 (S) Evidence removed

 (P) DME volume unbelievably loud
 (S) Volume set to more believable level

 (P) Dead bugs on windshield
 (S) Live bugs on order

 (P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
 (S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

 (P) IFF inoperative
 (S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

 (P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
 (S) That's what they're there for

 (P) Number three engine missing
 (S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

 (P) Aircraft handles funny
 (S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious