> > > > > > > Subject: DARWIN AWARDS > > > Date: Thursday, October 08, 1998 4:55 PM > > > > > > They have finally been released! For those not > > > familiar with the Darwin Award - It's an annual > honor > > > given to the person who provided the universal human > > > gene pool the biggest service by getting killed in > > > the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, > > > competition this year has been keen. Some > candidates > > > appear to have trained their whole lives for this > > > event! > > > > > > > >DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES > > > 1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got > > > stuck and drowned in two feet of water after > > > squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer > > > grate to retrieve his car keys. > > > > > > > 2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco > > > stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran," > > > according to his wife, accidentally jogged off a > > > 200-foot-high cliff on his daily run. > > > > > > > 3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an > > > 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in > as > > > he sat inside it. Beachgoers said Daniel Jones, 21, > > > dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, > > > and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom > > > Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him > > > beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the > > > Outer Banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to > > > claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, > > > VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers > > > using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him > > > while about 200 people looked on. Jones was > > > pronounced dead at ahospital. > > > > > > > 4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in > > > Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the > ceiling > > > of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was > > > caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his > > > mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base > > > of his skull as he hit the floor. > > > > > > > 5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet > > > Nick Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death in January by > > > fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying to > > > prove that a knife could not penetrate the flakvest > > > Berrena was wearing. > > > > > > > 6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in > > > February in Selbyville, Del., as he won a bet with > > > friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded > > > with four bullets into his mouth and pull the > trigger. > > > > > > > 7. In February, according to police in Windsor, > > > Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, > died > > > in a head-on collision,thus earning a tie in the > game > > > of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles. > > > > > > > 8. In September, a 7-year-old boy fell off a > > > 100-foot-high bluff near Ozark, Ark, after he lost > > > his grip swinging on a cross that marked the spot > > > where another person had fallen to his death in > 1990. > > > > > > > >DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS > > > 1. In Guthrie, Okla , in October, Jason Heck tried > to > > > kill a millipede with a shot from his 22-caliber > > > rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock near the > > > hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, > > > fracturing his skull. > > > > > > > 2. In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, > > > attempting to clean out cobwebs in his basement, > > > declined to use a broom in favor of a propane torch > > > and caused a fire that burned the first and second > > > floors of his house. > > > > > > > 3. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover > > > Township, NJ, in September, and his wife Bonnie was > > > also injured, by a quarter-stick of dynamite that > > > blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, > > > the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss > > > it out the window to see what would happen, but they > > > apparently failed to notice that the window was > closed. > > > > > > > 4. Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far: In Betulia, > > > Colombia, an annual festival in November includes > > > five days of amateur bullfighting. This year, no > > > bull was killed, but dozens of matadors were > injured, > > > including one gored in the head and one Bobbittized. > > > > Said one participant, "It's just one bull against [a > > > town of] a thousand Morons." > > > > > > > AND THE WINNER: > > > PADERBORN, GERMANY - > > > Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his > > > constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal > > > laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and > > > prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let > > > fly - and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of > > > poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich,46, was > > > attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive-oil > > > enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a > > > dump truck full of mud. "The sheer force of the > > > elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. > > > Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on > > > a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued > > > to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said > > > flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. > > > "With no one there to help him, he lay under all > that > > > dung for at least an hour before a watchman came > > > along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems > > > to be just one of those freak accidents. > > > > > > > > > > > > > >