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>GENTLEMEN, EYES FRONT! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! . . . 
>ADVANTAGES OF BEING A MAN 
>Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 
>A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. 
>You can open all your own jars. 
>Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind. 
>You can go to the bathroom without a support group. 
>You don't have to learn to spell a new last name. 
>You can kill your own food. 
>You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 
>Wedding plans take care of themselves. 
>If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your
>friend. 
>Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack. 
>If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. 
>Everything on your face stays its original color. 
>You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. 
>Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. 
>You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming. 
>Car mechanics tell you the truth. 
>You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever
>thinking: "He must be mad at me." 
>Same work...more pay. 
>Gray hair and wrinkles only add character. 
>Wedding dress: $2,000. Tuxedo rental: $75 bucks. 
>You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. 
>If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might
>become lifelong friends. 
>You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. 
>You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. 
>You almost never have strap problems in public. 
>You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. 
>The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. 
>You don't have to shave below your neck. 
>At least a few belches are expected and tolerated. 
>One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. 
>You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. 
>You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. 
>Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th,
>in 45 minutes.
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